First Entry

i've had a blog before and eventually stopped writing because i ran out of things to say. i would be a little nervous about starting this one except i've got a secret weapon... a baby! the new things will never end and who doesn't like to brag and go on and on about their kid? i know on many occasion when i ran my mouth and the poor prisoner started to get that glossed over look...well, i STILL kept going. if you are a mom you've been there...

well, i should start off by giving you my background. came from a small town in iowa, graduated high school, went to college, got married to my high school sweetheart, got my college degree (which i regretfully don't use), moved to wichita for my husband's job and now we've had a baby.

always hoping and dreaming about being a mother, i was more than ready to pop a bouncy baby out of my vag. i'm not sure why i was so darn eager since i have never even been around an infant for more than a day. i'm sure i must have thought there are more than enough people less qualified than me that have successfully raised a child. rather than really getting to know what raising a child is like and decide, i read about it because we all know that every baby is a textbook scenario [insert sarcasm]... so when we took the plunge and knew our actions would cause an irreversible and life changing event, i never thought twice.

i should have known when i had problems at 32 weeks, ending in hospitalization, surgery and bed rest, i was up for a crazy ride.

then, out came our little girl who i will call "chicka" or "chicka chicka" after the book/song chicka chicka boom boom. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJEA0jzloK0. just like the coconut tree in the book sometimes i feel like i have too much up my tree [or on my plate] and eventually all the letters tumble out [i break down]. BOOM! BOOM!

motherhood is not what i thought it was going to be. there are more ups and downs than an AMUSEMENT PARK! i also didn't take into the consideration of my sanity and privacy. i didn't consider myself selfish in anyway but once you have a screaming, demanding baby who controls your life and never leaves your side, i begged to the heavens for 5 glorious minutes by myself so i could just think. then when you do get those 5 minutes all you can think about is that baby of yours! oh, motherhood and your evil twisted ways.

don't get me wrong. i love my little one and i know i'm doing everything to keep her safe, healthy, smart and loved! i thought it would just come easier to me. i don't know if any of you out there feel the same way but sometimes when i hear glowing moms who talk about their EASY baby and how the were born to be moms. honestly, i just want to scream or slap them silly and thank them for making me feel horrible because i actually admit that i've gone off the deep end... more than once. infact, i may still be there. have i had a shower today?... i'm not perfect, so don't act like you are.

rant finished. i love my chicka, i love my dada chicka and i love me.

i will end with a couple of recent pictures of my chicka chicka to oogle at: